No matter how many days, weeks, years between I still love you.
Its really amazing how when you reconnect with old friends it seems that time stood still, we are just older and somewhat more wiser now. I love this about true friendship.
Some years ago a very dear friend came back into my life. It had been several years since we had spoken or even saw each other. When we did, it was as if there wasn't any time gone between all of those years.
More things were the same once we were in each others lives again.
Feelings from long ago came to the surface for me.
Each visit is cherished, and I wouldn't change them at all. However each visit those feelings become stronger, and each departure leaves an emptiness and longing to see them again.
How do you tell someone that you have known over half your life that you're in love with them and have been the whole time.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Waiting.........
So many times I have found myself perplexed as to many whys in my life. All of them of course are whys to the negative. Why do I not have a better job? Why do I not have my own home? Why are we not together anymore? Why can't I finish school? So many whys....
I have been blaming myself for all of these negatives. It's my own fault that we cant be together. Its my own fault for not having a better job to give us a nice home. Its my own fault that I haven't finished school. Then there is the BIG WHY in the midst of all of this why and self blame. God why wont you bless me? God what about your promises? I ultimately come back to more self blame here. My behavior is keeping those promises from coming through. I have beat myself up over this so many times, but for all the wrong reasons.
I played the fear card when it came to not receiving the blessings I felt that I deserved. Out of fear toward God I would straighten my act up until the results were futile. Nothing, no blessings still. I then would resign to the fact that, well, it just isn't meant to be. So I would resolve to a less than what I desire lifestyle and try to be happy with it. At least I was still breathing, right?
All of this why and self blame and changing of behavior and resolving to accept what I don't want continued over and over again. Daily, monthly, yearly.....a lifetime. Until one day....I saw things differently.
I'm not the one waiting on God to bless me and give me the desires of my heart. He is the one waiting on me.
Always has been.
He is waiting for me to change. Not just change my behavior temporarily, but change everything about me on the inside. My attitude, my words, my actions, my thoughts, my deep desires.........everything. He is ready to bless me and bless me in such a way that it will bring me to my knees in humble adoration to the One that created me for His purposes. He is holding back because I am not ready, and He knows it. He knows that he cannot give me the blessings until I fix myself, and fix everything that I am on Him. It's not really His timing at all, but mine. When am I going to change so that He can give me what I have been praying for? He's ready and excited to bless me....I am keeping Him from it. He doesn't want anyone to suffer and lose out on anything. It can be too late though, but I don't want it to be too late.
"Don't overlook the obvious here, friends. With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn't late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn't want anyone lost. He's giving everyone space and time to change." 2 Peter 3:8,9 The Message
I have been blaming myself for all of these negatives. It's my own fault that we cant be together. Its my own fault for not having a better job to give us a nice home. Its my own fault that I haven't finished school. Then there is the BIG WHY in the midst of all of this why and self blame. God why wont you bless me? God what about your promises? I ultimately come back to more self blame here. My behavior is keeping those promises from coming through. I have beat myself up over this so many times, but for all the wrong reasons.
I played the fear card when it came to not receiving the blessings I felt that I deserved. Out of fear toward God I would straighten my act up until the results were futile. Nothing, no blessings still. I then would resign to the fact that, well, it just isn't meant to be. So I would resolve to a less than what I desire lifestyle and try to be happy with it. At least I was still breathing, right?
All of this why and self blame and changing of behavior and resolving to accept what I don't want continued over and over again. Daily, monthly, yearly.....a lifetime. Until one day....I saw things differently.
I'm not the one waiting on God to bless me and give me the desires of my heart. He is the one waiting on me.
Always has been.
He is waiting for me to change. Not just change my behavior temporarily, but change everything about me on the inside. My attitude, my words, my actions, my thoughts, my deep desires.........everything. He is ready to bless me and bless me in such a way that it will bring me to my knees in humble adoration to the One that created me for His purposes. He is holding back because I am not ready, and He knows it. He knows that he cannot give me the blessings until I fix myself, and fix everything that I am on Him. It's not really His timing at all, but mine. When am I going to change so that He can give me what I have been praying for? He's ready and excited to bless me....I am keeping Him from it. He doesn't want anyone to suffer and lose out on anything. It can be too late though, but I don't want it to be too late.
"Don't overlook the obvious here, friends. With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn't late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn't want anyone lost. He's giving everyone space and time to change." 2 Peter 3:8,9 The Message
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