Thankful.....

For the past 20 years, holidays haven't been my favorite time of year.  The past 4 years have been even more depressing at holiday times.  This year, I changed that. All of the hurt from the past during the holidays is exactly where it will stay, in the past. God is amazing with his love, and I lean on him to get me through.

This year my house was filled with wonderful people that I love and that love me just as much in return.  Every chair was filled with an amazing person that means so much to me. The table was over flowing with food that was prepared with the most love. So many left overs sent home with everyone that wanted them.  God is a good god. He supplies our every need. God knew what I needed to get over the hurts of the past during holidays, and he supplied the means to do it. Today was fulfilling, not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally.

From here on out, I LOVE HOLIDAYS!!!! Christmas, here we come!!!!

Love is the medicine.....

It's evident that it's contagious
It's a deadly disease that won't let go
Shame is like a fire that rages
Is there a cure for the sickness of the soul
An antidote

Ohhhh, love is the medicine
Ohhhh, love is the medicine
There's a hurting world in need
Jesus is the remedy
Ohhhh

Are you tired of the way you're feeling
Giving in to living unsatisfied
Are you desperate for a healing
There's a cure that cannot be denied
It brings you back to life

Ohhhh, love is the medicine
Ohhhh, love is the medicine
There's a hurting world in need
And Jesus is the remedy
Ohhhh

Love replaces all the pain and takes it all away

Ohhhh, love is the medicine
Ohhhh, love is the medicine
There's a hurting world in need
And Jesus is the remedy, yeah
Ohhhh
Ohhhh
There's a hurting world in need
And Jesus is the remedy
Love is the medicine

Blessed assurance.....

" In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus.  So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation."   1 Peter 5:10


Thank you Kathy......

Can't follow if your chained to the floor.......

Amazing how paralyzing our emotions can be. How we have the tendency to let them render us helpless and frozen in our tracks.

God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them..... Romans 8:28.

While typing this verse, I saw the words in a different light than I have ever seen them before.
Let's look at it in reverse.
God has called us all for his purpose, if we choose to live for him, we are called for his purpose. Get it, his purpose.
If we love God, we are called.
Everything...doesn't mean a few things, or once in a while things. EVERY thing. God caused it all to work together for the good, for whats best for us because he loves us and has a purpose for our lives.
This verse has literally opened my eyes wide!
No matter what situation we are in, if we love God and are choosing to live for him, he will cause that situation to work in a way we may not want, but he knows whats best.
He will take that awful situation and make it good, because it was necessary for you to go through it in order for him to bring you to where he wants you, because you are called for his purpose.
So lovers of God....let those hurtful situations happen, God is in control, he knows what he's doing.
Give him the hurt feelings and all of the emotional baggage. He wants to take it from you so you can be stronger and walk with him and do his will.

Follow You.......

Mercy........

"People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy." Proverbs 28:13

I know that we need to confess our sins to one another so that forgiveness and mercy can be received. Hiding and lies....there is no room for that anymore.
God is ready to give mercy and healing where it is needed.

Thank you so much Jesus for taking my place on that cross, for being the ultimate sacrifice.
Let the healing begin.....

Choices........

In looking through definitions of the word Hope I came across a few that were unknown to me. I liked them better than the normal everyday definition that everyone knows.
Of course Christianity has the ultimate definition of hope:
The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.

We all cling to this in times of trouble or in times when we look forward to some event or life change. God can and does help. Always.
I was, however, looking for something different. Something that would mean more to me, just me. It doesn't have to mean anything to anyone else. Two definitions I found regarding the word hope caught my eye.

A sloping plain between mountain ridges.
A small bay; an inlet; a haven.

In reading these definitions and visualizing them, tears came.
I can see that plain between the mountains.
I can smell the air and feel the wind of the small bay.
I find God here. He is my haven.

Now I know this blog title is choices and you may think I'm talking about choices of definitions to words, I'm not.
The choices in life we have are unnumberable, (yes, this is a word meaning too numerous to be counted). We have this with God, choices. I look at these choices as more chances to get closer to Him, to become more like Him.
In making these choices I have hope that they are the right ones, the ones to bring me closer, the ones to seclude me from the world and let me just be with Him.
These choices are my sloping plain between two mountain ridges. They are my small bay, my inlet, my haven. Here is where I run to when the choices I've made become trying. I hide in the hope I have in God. I seclude myself in that haven, I sit on the sloping plain with God. Taking in His love for me.

Psalm 39:7 "And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you"

Blinders

Blinders are used on horses to keep them focused on the direction in which they are to go.
I sometimes wish God would give me blinders to keep me focused on the direction in which I should go.
When we make significant changes because we allow God to take control, which He has had already but we have been fighting Him, we run into snags that cause us to veer off course from time to time.

God knows that being human we have faults, and temptations. He was human himself, and has felt everything that we have felt. All the anxiety, hurt, grief, even joy.  God knows what we are going through.....even before we know.

Little hiccups in life will happen, but if we keep our feet on a straight path, we will become stronger in the end.

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Triggers

Here in the Southern San Joaquin Valley there are distinct smells that remind me of the seasons.
In the spring its the honeysuckle and orange blossoms.
In the winter its the many fireplaces blazing.
In the summer its the hot roads and bbqing.
But in the fall, its something entirely different, and it affects me in a way that I wish it wouldn't.
The smells in the fall take me back to times I wish I could forget, times I would like to erase from my memory all together....sometimes.
The fall smells....I just pray they pass quickly.
Every time I do smell them they trigger something in me.
I feel lonely during this time, and am reminded of the fast approaching holidays. Am also reminded of the wasted years chasing something that was never mine.
When I smell fall I want to go where I don't need to be. I want to call who I shouldn't call. I long for what I really don't need. All because of the this season and its smells.
Smells are tricky. They can remind you of wonderful times, hurtful times, of people from your past, people that you have lost. Sometimes I wish I couldn't smell at all.
How do we get rid of these triggers that make us want?  I so desperately want to not have the triggers and enjoy this season.
The crisp smell in the air...the smell of the orange groves. The warmth of my sweater.  The time change. I want to enjoy all of them with my family and friends without thoughts of anything else.
I want this time to be different.

You know my heart
You've seen the darkness in it
The disappointment that dims the innocence of it
And my soul knows
And so it goes

How beautiful you are
Bright and morning star
I bow down and kiss your feet
The feet that lead me from the dark

When my faith is shaken
My way is lost and jaded, and
I don't know where to turn
Afraid but not forsaken
And my soul knows
And so it goes

How wonderful you are
Redeemer of my heart
I reach out and kiss your hands
The hands that wear loves scars

And when I stood on the edge of the waer
With fading hope there would be a tomorrow
You held me safe in your hands
Reminding me that I would walk again

How powerful you are
You've carried me this far
I look up and kiss your face
The face that sees inside my heart
The face that sees my heart
                                           Edge of the Water; Tammy Trent

He carries us, He loves us. Trust Him, believe Him.

I am more.....

2 Corinthians 5:17
"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" NLT

I am more than any mistake I have ever made, any bad choice that has ever crossed my mind. Jesus shed his blood for me once and for all. He is the high priest, the final sacrifice. With His blood I am cleansed and forgiven. No more sacrifices are needed to be made. Hebrews 10:18 "And when sins have been forgiven, there is no need to offer any more sacrifices."
Quite amazing if you ask me. I'm forgiven and everything in my past that has brought shame and embarrassment, is washed away, for good. There is freedom in knowing this.

Needing a change.....

We all experience change in our lives....sometimes it's not a welcome thing.
I am constantly changing into what God wants me to be...let me tell you it is a long process. I don't like to listen, you would think after 27 years of believing and wanting to live for Him, I would listen.
Nope.
So many things pull at me, knowing which one to go to is what the problem is. I pray, and He answers, but not in the timing that I would like. I want instant answers and clarification of what path to choose and how to get there. Not in His design, He has it all mapped out, but wont let me see it. Thank goodness.
Having a young teenager puts a bit of a kink in things. Am I to wait until he finishes school to walk the path that I feel is set before me? Am I to turn him over to Dad to finish raising, that would be very difficult to do.  Does he go with me? If not his calling what would be the point? Even though I know somewhat of the path that is to be trod, I believe that waiting is the best possible thing to do. A glimpse is better that being completely blind to the next step. I'm good at waiting.
God wants me, mind, body and soul. Wholeheartedly, and completely. I say, here I am, use me. I know He is and will, in His time.
I think a lot of us get that confused. It's all God's timing, never our own. Sometimes God's timing is immediate, sometimes it's years. His plans are perfect and trusting Him is never easy, but necessary.
If we give ourselves up the way He wants us to, everything will fall into place. Then we can sit back and reflect on where He has brought us from.  We will then see how everything unfolded in order to bring Glory to His Kingdom.  That's what it's all about, Glory for His Kingdom, nothing more, nothing less.
So I say bring on these changes in my life. I welcome them openly, no longer will I be afraid of the future. God has me in His arms and walks with me every step of the way. Praise Him for that!