Triggers

Here in the Southern San Joaquin Valley there are distinct smells that remind me of the seasons.
In the spring its the honeysuckle and orange blossoms.
In the winter its the many fireplaces blazing.
In the summer its the hot roads and bbqing.
But in the fall, its something entirely different, and it affects me in a way that I wish it wouldn't.
The smells in the fall take me back to times I wish I could forget, times I would like to erase from my memory all together....sometimes.
The fall smells....I just pray they pass quickly.
Every time I do smell them they trigger something in me.
I feel lonely during this time, and am reminded of the fast approaching holidays. Am also reminded of the wasted years chasing something that was never mine.
When I smell fall I want to go where I don't need to be. I want to call who I shouldn't call. I long for what I really don't need. All because of the this season and its smells.
Smells are tricky. They can remind you of wonderful times, hurtful times, of people from your past, people that you have lost. Sometimes I wish I couldn't smell at all.
How do we get rid of these triggers that make us want?  I so desperately want to not have the triggers and enjoy this season.
The crisp smell in the air...the smell of the orange groves. The warmth of my sweater.  The time change. I want to enjoy all of them with my family and friends without thoughts of anything else.
I want this time to be different.